Blake Freedom 0:02
Welcome to the lessons in love Podcast. I'm Blake Freedom.
I'm Luke Hillis. Here we talk about communication for couples that care
Blake Freedom 0:11
and singles looking for a conscious relationship. In this podcast, we bring you the lessons of our love Journey to help you cultivate the relationship experience you've always wanted.
We'll have conversations about what it takes to move through challenges, release tension in relationships, and communicate in ways that bring more intimacy, which we've learned through over a decade of personal development.
Blake Freedom 0:33
And from actually doing our inner work. We're not afraid to keep it real. And we're so excited. You're on this journey with us. Let's dive in. Hello, hello. Hello. Welcome to our intro to our podcast, I have to say it's really cool sitting across from this wonderful human staring into his eyes while we're talking about some vulnerable things and really bringing our perspective on love and lessons from our relationships.
So here we are sitting across from this microphone with these earbuds that bring us close together. Kind of like that scene from 101 Dalmatians where the noodle is getting sucked up from both sides. It's like rows are right next to each other, becoming closer as we create content about becoming closer. So it's very cool. So Matt, I love it. Blake is so profound and deep and beautiful. And I get to look into her eyes, and there's so full of light and intelligence, and love.
Blake Freedom 1:31
I'm so in love. Everything about him is just everything I've been looking for. And I manifested you on purpose. So good job, like good job. We're just so wonderful together.
So wonderful. So in this intro episode, we're gonna go into so many different things in this podcast, but we thought you might have a few questions like, What is this podcast about? And like, why would I want to listen to it? And like who are these people anyways? So we thought we'd tell you this a few answers to those questions. Would you say
Blake Freedom 2:03
love it? Let's do a baby.
Cool. Well, you might be wondering how we met because that's always the best question to ask someone like, How did you two meet? And we got a story. And we're gonna tell the story in greater detail in future episodes. I think even this next one, yes. But in short form, we met at a Brendon Burchard motivational events four day personal transformation event, Grace Day Live, live. And we met on the dance floor and fell in love there. quickly started connecting visiting each other. And after a month. Yeah, so we did long distance, I am living in Fairfield, Iowa. I was in Denver, Colorado. And then after about a month, we decided let's build a life together.
Blake Freedom 2:49
Because when you know, ya know,
so over the next month, we did a lot of different things ranging from like getting Blake out of her lease, so that impact over things and do a u haul and driving route to Iowa. And you might be wondering, wait, why didn't you go to Colorado? Why did she come to you? I don't small town people go to the city, or in small towns getting smaller for a reason? Well, there's an important reason, which is that I have a job here that is in person and is a wonderful job and is able to provide a lot for us for this chapter of our life. We're not planning to set up roots here for a whole life here. But it's a good place for this chapter of our journey. Totally. So at the two month mark, we showed up here in Fairfield, Iowa, and had a whole journey because I moved out of where I was living as well. It wasn't just Blake who moved out of I mean, I was in the same town but I moved out where I was living. And we got this, you know, unfurnished townhouse,
Blake Freedom 3:54
two story townhouse and just
launched into life together. Yeah, which has been a journey. It's been an adventure. It's been magical. It's been a learning experience. Even though we're both from the United States, there's a culture differences from different upbringings from different life experiences from all kinds of things,
Blake Freedom 4:16
different backgrounds in our own unique ways. For sure,
yeah. So basically, Blake and I have had the dream of being coaches and speakers and creating content, inspiring people to be their best version of themselves and to expand their love to to really, to really have love be a central, wonderful, enriching part of a person's life. You know, and we both know from both being of families of divorce and just being in the world and our own previous experience, that relationships can often be a major source of suffering. And it doesn't need to be that way. And we're doing In our version of cultivating, having an extraordinary relationship, and in the theme of wanting to make a difference in this way, for others, we're launching the lessons in love podcast to support you to build your most wonderful relationship that you can have.
Blake Freedom 5:16
Absolutely, I was just telling Luke outside on our beautiful patio area where we sit often rocking and looking out over the beautiful Iowa fields next door like fields y'all, okay? I'm from like, the mountains and like opens sky and buildings. And it's beautiful, though I do love it. And I was telling him, you know, if I had something like this five years ago, 10 years ago, my life and my relationships may have looked very different. Because we often see couples together, and we have ideas about, you know, what their life is, like, we also see a lot of that on Instagram, all the couples that are like relationship goals, and everything looks so pretty and beautiful. But the question is, you know, what are they doing in their day to day life? how are they relating? How are they working through things, is what's going on behind the scenes the same as what's going on on the video. And, you know, we and I have a he and I, funnily enough are very open people in general,
so important that we found each other because we need a partner who is open
Blake Freedom 6:21
as well. So true. I mean, it's it's like he's sometimes I'm challenges my like openness. And like, this is so beautiful, because I've kind of recluse a little bit, and I'm learning to open up again, because that's really what I feel true alignment with in my heart. And it's just such an amazing thing to be with somebody who's like, Yeah, let's talk about that. I'm like, Really, okay, I'd love to do that. So it'll be such a beautiful space for us to share, you know, what we're going through, once we've moved to the other side of something, and can really share the lesson of it. But to provide that space, and that image of what it can look like to do the work together, because we choose to to be in a conscious relationship of growth. And it's so exciting, because this is pretty fresh. So we've been together for four months now. Oh, my goodness, we've been living together for two months here in Iowa. And we're on this adventure. And so this is really exciting, because you get to come along with us on the journey. And like he was mentioning, the next few episodes will be our story where we were telling it a couple of what is like two months ago, three months ago, so very in the beginning. So it's the detailed detail, play by play of how we met and how we fall in love. And it's a really
beautiful how we navigate some of the challenges that we faced right at the beginning as well, gosh,
Blake Freedom 7:46
yes. So now, you know, we'll be doing a catch up episode and be sharing everything that's coming up that we feel like you could benefit from. And it's gonna be really fun that you get to come with us on the journey.
Oh my gosh. So something that Blake was referencing there was taking you on the journey with us. And the journey of like, we also want to make clear, like, we're not positioning ourselves as a perfect couple that we know everything, and therefore our relationship is perfect. Yeah, no, we face challenges we face we faced a lot of them before. We're laying new foundations that's making it softer for us. But we still face challenges. And why that's so awesome, is because then we can talk about it. And we can teach about it. And we can create conversation about it. So you're welcome. Exactly. Because really like in Blake was mentioning this, I'll reference it in my own words is that? When do you get to know what's really happening, right, with a couple like you see people from the outside, and you they look so happy. And then you find out like what's really going on. And I mean, so many things are like that. And we're really seeking to lift the veil on our experience, and share the journey as it is. And the lessons that we're learning the lessons and love that we're coming across in a way that we're hoping will give you a sense of hope and joy and like real learning and like real questions being answered. Because like what a relief it is to actually see something real. And then we get to draw upon our backgrounds in personal development and communication in order to make those that learning tangible and usable and clear.
Blake Freedom 9:37
Right for You. Right. And so you can also feel a sense of belonging that you know, you're not alone. We're all navigating challenge. There's, I mean, what does perfect even mean? But, you know, no relationship has it all figured out. I mean, I think that the theme of life is no one really knows what they're doing. We're just figuring it out as we go along. And the same applies here. So it's really exciting. trying to be like he's saying drawing from our past and what we're doing. And on that note, babe, tell everyone what you do. And we'll share a little bit about what I do. So they have a little bit more of an idea.
Absolutely. So like, yeah, what are these two people do? In my case, I have an eight to five job, I work 40 hours a week, at a company, local company here, and I'm a corporate trainer. So what that means is that I teach classes for the professional and personal development of the employees of the firm. And which I love about that is I mean, I love to teach, I love personal development, I love helping people grow through the modality of teaching. So it's like a really amazing opportunity for me in so many ways. And there are some limitations, like my income. I would like to be earning a lot more than I'm currently earning. Other limitations. I don't want to work eight to five. Yeah, I mean, I like to be inspired, and you know, do all day things. But I don't want to have to do that every day. No, I want to have that on my own schedule. And I want to be able to live wherever I like whenever I like, like, I want a more free lifestyle. So that's, you know, my goal. One of my goals is to transition from my job into doing what we're doing right now as our full time gig and the various in the different variations of it that we'll be doing as content creators and speakers. So that's what I am doing and my current outlook on things.
Blake Freedom 11:34
And what's so great about that, too, is that you manifested a job that is in alignment with your values and the skills that you want to develop, you know, for your future dreams and goals in business, but you're doing it through a job that has the security and the stability and the growth and the opportunity for experimenting within your role. And how freaking cool is that?
I love that you highlight that. Okay, quick teaching boys. Like there's such a struggle for most of us in life with earning and paying bills and can make us feel so trapped in where we are. But if we can get a job, like if we have to have a job to pay our bills, we can get a job in the area that we want to grow in. Then even if you don't feel like you're getting ahead financially, you're getting ahead and your skills and your experience in a way that will open the door to a kind of freedom in the direction that you want to go. Absolutely. So I just I I'm such a proponent of a what I call a well chosen job. So anyway, that has nothing to do with lessons I love. Totally just kind of does because I'm so much happier and so much more live, like coming home from work, I'm so much more filled, doing something that matters to me, and something that lights me up. That actually makes a big difference. He
Blake Freedom 12:46
never comes home complaining about his job, and which is great. And I'm not totally used to which is amazing. I'm so happy about him. He loves to share with me what he's been teaching and what he's working on. And because we're both coaches and speakers, and this is like our forte and our passion, I love listening with him and like throwing some things in like, Oh, hey, Babe, what do you think about this? And have you tried this, so I get
good ideas for what to do in my job, it's awesome. to influence
Blake Freedom 13:12
things, you know, just from the side, like it's so much fun. So there's something to be said about that. And you've been on your own journey professionally to get there. And that'd be a great episode in the future to talk about our employment and how that's shaped us and you know, the skills that that's helped us bring into relationships. So it's really great. I love that he's so happy about what he does, even though you know, it's it's draining sometimes. And it's a lot and so, on the other side of that I work for myself and I am a women's empowerment coach, I help women manifest conscious relationships did it. And I have a history in helping women heal from eating disorders. I'm 12 years recovered from anorexia orthorexia bulimia, which is crazy to think it's been that long. I'm also three years sober. So recovery has been a huge part of my journey, personal development has really kind of walked parallel to recovery. I've incorporated a lot of those things together, which is really helped me move through my own journey, I come from a lot of trauma. And like Luke mentioned, we both come from divorce. And that is its own level of, you know, journey to walk through that has helped us develop in different ways. And I'm just really passionate about helping women heal and open their heart again, to find love and to find conscious love that is very fulfilling. So many women I've talked to, are looking for the partner that they can grow with that they can create with, you know, I mean, obviously, like I tend to be surrounded with a lot of entrepreneurs because I'm in those communities, but it's like, I want to find somebody that I can really build an empire with. I'm like, Well, I just found this person and we are building an empire. And so you've got to come listen to the podcast, because we're going to be sharing so much about that and It's really fun and exciting. And then you know, part of the challenge of that is that Luke is gone so much. And I'm at home so much, and I'm an extrovert. So he comes home, and I'm like this dog that needs to be walked, like, so excited to see him. Because my, you know, social interaction is coming from online or, you know, like calls that I have with friends to kind of stay connected and, you know, clients and things like that. But just like having that physical touch person is, yeah, I have to make sure I give him some recovery time, every day. So he can really just have that rest and reset. So that's something we've been navigating to, which is a great topic for another episode, for sure. And, you know, in this small town, it's a little bit different than what I'm used to in the city. It's been a huge journey, but it's really setting the foundation, like you mentioned, to create this beautiful life that we want to create. And how cool is it that we found each other just four months ago, and here we are recording this podcast, returning, you know, in a week and a half to another event by the same speaker. I mean, that's gonna be so much fun.
We both fell in love with each other through each other's Instagram of teaching content. And I remember from my side, like looking up her Instagram, watching Blake teach these videos, I'm like, Oh, my gosh, she is so gorgeous, and so articulate and so driven. And this is, she had her own version of that experience with me. And this was important for us, because we each wanted a partner that we could use Blake's terms build an empire with, like, Absolutely,
Blake Freedom 16:42
it's so important that you know, what it is that you're looking for, but you know that as a result of who you are, and who you want to be in a relationship, because the ideal conscious relationship is going to create space for you to be your most expressed self, which means you're doing the things that really light you up. And, you know, I think we've all experienced the relationship where our partner would have liked us to be less of this or more of that. And, and not just creating space for us to just be ourselves. And like, for me, that created a lot of self judgment of like, Oh, am I too much here or not enough there. But being with the right person, it's like, he loves who I am as a whole so much. He's like, I just think you're amazing. I'm like, This is so great. I don't have to edit. I don't have to strive, I can just be So more on that later. But I'm ditto here pretty much totally in love with him. And it's and there have been moments we've had to work through and just we just fall in love all over again. So great, so much juice to talk about.
Well, speaking of juice to talk about, not to take that in the wrong way. We had a few ideas that we wanted to share with you. We're going to do longer form expressions of these, but just a few nuggets. Yeah, right off the bat. Get you inspired and excited about the direction of your conscious relationship that you're either in or growing or manifesting.
Blake Freedom 18:11
I love that. Absolutely. So Honey, why don't you drop the first sure share a bit of wisdom.
Yeah, it was one of my favorite topics, a passion of mine that began about 10 years ago that I'll go into more detail in another episode. But basically, think we've all had the experience where we're with our partner or with a person at work or a family member. And there's some kind of tension, right? Like, that's not a new experience for any of us. Some got attention, you know, and our podcasts will have a lot around how to dissolve and resolve tension and lay new foundations that help prevent it because like, that's a real part about being with another human being is like, how do you do that in a smooth way, not always easy, but there's ways to help get there in ways to make it smoother. So one universal tool that we use all the time and that you can use in your conscious relationship journey is when there's tension. Basically, there's two people who are wanting to be understood and, and not feeling understood and not feeling heard. And it's like, how do you break that cycle? Well, it begins with one person deciding that making the other person feeling heard and understood, is more important than themselves being heard or understood. So it's like, so in your case, in your relationship, as the listener here is like, if you find yourself in a tense situation, like as soon as you come to conscious awareness, like oh my gosh, this is escalating. This is like not going in the right direction. Then to pivot out of trying to make your point heard and Going into how can I hear their point? And not only hear their point, but show them that you're here your point their point?
Blake Freedom 20:07
What does that look like? Exactly?
Sure. Well, the way that I've approached that is to basically my my challenge, and my game that I played with myself in this situation is
Blake Freedom 20:20
oh, he's telling me the secret
is to hear, hear what Blake is saying, well enough, that I can say back to her, what she's expressing to me in a way that she feels satisfied that she's being heard, which is really, I mean, can a lot of it can be done through the words of like, Oh, so you're telling me this. But it's also important to show it like on a more energy and like heart level as well, which is actually something that Blake has been helping me learn to do better, that I tended to go into more of, like, I'm listening, but a bit of a stonewall energy plays to like kind of protect myself ish quality.
Blake Freedom 21:05
Oh, honey, you've done such a good job. So then
I've been learning to like, keep my heart open during that process more through through Blake's love and support and encouragement to show her that I understand her not only in reflecting back, like, so what I'm hearing you say is, right, but also doing it with a tone that demonstrates what it means to her, right. Like if something's really, really important, like really serious to her. And I'm just like, sounding like a robot, as I say back what she is saying, which I never sound exactly like that. But you get the idea that she's like, okay, yeah, you're hearing what I'm saying. But like, you wouldn't sound like that if you really understood what I was saying.
Blake Freedom 21:47
Because like, this is important. It's the empathy piece.
So Blake's really been helping me develop that empathy on another level, which has been so cool, because it shows up in my job, it shows up in my other connections I have with family and friends and other things.
Blake Freedom 22:00
So beautiful. And I think that that's a really great reflection of a conscious relationship that's, you know, growth oriented, because the things that we're working through in our relationship are applying in other areas of our life, like, Luke has really been helping me work through a lot of my trust issues and insecurities. And you know, I've been cheated on a lot in almost every relationship that I've been in. And that's a story for another time. But, you know, the struggle with trusting in you know, men and women as a bisexual woman, another story for another time. But this journey that I've been on to find someone who's so stable, and so consistent, and so loving, and just shows up the same way every single day, and, you know, this small town, it's so safe, like we go walking around at 10pm, without flashlights, just looking up at the stars, and just this completely new experience that I'm having, you know, that's bleeding into other areas of my life, like the safety and trust that I have around money, the safety and trust, I have around making choices about the communities that I'm in and, you know, staying or leaving, you know, safety that I feel around showing up more authentically with my family and friends. And so when you're in this growth oriented relationship, you're really developing skills, you know, together in this beautiful, like safe area that's going to apply to other areas of your life and just make your life more full. And so just to backtrack a tiny bit, I think that the term is active listening, is that what it's called? Yeah. So if you want to Google active listening, like how to be a better active listener, I think that would just be another resource for you. But like Luke was saying, you're essentially, you know, he's hearing what I'm saying, like actually listening, like really listening, listening to the words that I'm saying, and when I'm beaming underneath those words, because oftentimes, he'll repeat back to me, in words that are a little different, but they're actually more clear with what I'm actually feeling because he can articulate it better than I can. Because especially like, if I'm in a trigger, or if I'm feeling activated, as I like to say, you know, that PTSD feeling in your body where, like, fight or flight and you're upset, and you can't seem to like rationally get through it. When he can really hear me and understand me, he can repeat it back in a way that is showing me Oh, my gosh, he really knows me. And that happens over time, right? Like we've continued to get to know each other more and are able to do that better. And I'm working on active listening. It's not a skill that I have as strongly as he does. And that's something that I really want to strengthen because he also deserves to be heard and to feel understood to, but you do great. Okay, well, I think I could do better, but thank you, I It's a process we're both learning and growing so much. So there's something to be said about when you decide to quote what you know, in my history we would call fall on your sword. And like, be willing to just put down the fighting thing and sort of put yourself second and be like, You know what I'm going to show up for this person. That's the way we're going to move through this. They melt. Like when he is really listening, and I feel so hurt and under, feel so understood and heard and seen. It's like, it just melts, that defensiveness, it's like, all of a sudden, I feel safe, the trigger like comes down. And then I can apologize for my part. Because that's often the situation. And so it's really beautiful. When you decide to take a stand for resolution over conflict, then you're setting yourself up for success, because the other person's going to soften. And you'll actually get to a place where you can communicate.
So good. Love it. And you're so good at working through these things like the way that Blake goes from having something going on to then moving past it. And the next day, and the next week, she's so fast at it. And I think that is one of the one thing among so many that qualifies her to be an amazing teacher in this area.
Blake Freedom 26:07
Thank you. Yeah, honestly, all it's been a lot of work. You know, coming from the background that I have, and going through recovery, and being obsessed with personal development, I just I've learned a lot of processes that have really helped me and we're absolutely going to go into like, as many of we can think of through the podcast and our community that we're creating. So,
absolutely. You know, anytime that you have ideas of what you want to know about or hear about, like, we'd love to get your ideas and have you draw out our knowledge or experience or insights or tools and areas as well. Yeah,
Blake Freedom 26:45
you can find us on Instagram, Blake and Luke, you know, we love getting your messages, send us a direct message show us you're listening to the podcast, we want to hear everything that that you're looking for, because we're here to serve you.
And one other tip on the listening component. There's a difference between listening and fixing who will that'll be a cliffhanger but basically like it what to say on that,
Blake Freedom 27:16
it's, I think really more about being present and holding the space for the other person versus trying to get to some place. So instead of like fixing something to get to the other side of it, it's like how do I just hold space and allow for the current situation to be the current situation because often, when someone's trying to fix they don't feel heard, because they're like, but you're not a you're not like acknowledging that right now I'm having these feelings, you just want me to stop having these feelings, so we can fix it and get to the other side.
So for those of you with a fixing mindset, here's an interesting reframe that you can have. You don't need to fix the external thing that you're talking about. You need to fix the fact that your partner is not feeling heard.
Blake Freedom 28:03
gosh, I love it. So you don't have to stop being a fixer just get to fixing the right thing.
Blake Freedom 28:16
Okay, y'all, this is sitting here, just like I'm so attracted to you right now. I mean, always, like, so hot.
Yeah. So you don't even have to change who you are. Because I think a lot of people struggle with like, but I like to fix things I want to be a practical person is like, yes, you can still fix things, you can still be a practical person. Just like, you know, if you if you're going to actually fix something on the house, you got to find out what the root issue is. And the root issue in this case is not what it appears to be. It's what's underneath that which is feeling hurt. So we can all still be ourselves and be together harmoniously. Oh
Blake Freedom 28:52
my gosh. You're amazing. It's so fun. Holy cow.
So I think then going into our next idea that we want to share with you and we had a few ideas. And the second one is using your relationship as your vehicle for growth. Your relationship is your vehicle for growth. And like that can mean a lot of things. What do we mean by it? Well, I mean, for each of us, we're so much fuller people now, because of each other, through the love through the challenge through the new perspectives through the new experiences, through what we're able to create together instead of just individually. And when you relate with your relationship as a vehicle for growth, it gives you a bigger meaning and a bigger vision for where you are and where you're going and what the challenge is mean. It gets really easy to be like, Oh, this is challenging. Like I don't want to do this anymore, right? Absolutely. But here's an interesting thing like take For example, the perspective if your partner is struggling with something, and then you're struggling with what their struggle, you know, through their struggles, like you're struggling to you each have inner work to do. And the interesting thing is that it's like if you know, in the example of Noah Blake is going through something relating to moving to a small town is totally different. And like, she's finding your sense of trust in the journey than the like, how am I relating to her journey? And if I am getting mad, or impatient, or defensive, or any of these things, like, is that really the best version of myself that I can be? Or can I relate with those situations as a way to grow and become a better, more heart centered, more full, more patient version of myself. And if I look at it that way, then nothing is ever a burden, everything is an opportunity. And a translates to every area of life. And you know, as the other way around, too, like, I have hard times, too, I've had, you know, my struggles. And Blake's helped me through a lot of struggles. And it's not always been easy for her to help me through my struggles. And you know, she's had to use those as opportunities for herself to step into a higher version of herself as well. I think this ties into one of the main foundations that we're teaching, and that's at the center of our podcast is that you're, like a conscious relationship, as we define it as a relationship that is growing, yeah. That you're in the relationship with the both you and your partner in the mindset, like, we want to love and we want to grow through being together. And our relationship is like our art project that we're making as beautiful as possible. Like, how can we grow that? How can we deepen it? How can we expand it? Like, what's the newest habit that we can add? Like, the little things that we do every day or every week? There's like, oh, my gosh, my partner really likes that. Let me do that.
Blake Freedom 32:06
Yeah, absolutely. Growing as individuals and growing together, and, you know, we already knew about ourselves that we are growth individuals. And so it just made sense for us to want to be in a growth oriented relationship. And we've been in previous relationships that weren't as growth oriented. And as people who are naturally growing, you know, that can become stagnant. And the work that we've done together is been exponential in the four months. I mean, it's crazy to think about what we've been through. And, of course, we'll share more over time, but to really see how much we've grown. And for me, and my personal experience, I mean, some of the deep rooted, you know, triggers and trauma and like fears, and like limiting beliefs that I've been just transcending through our relationship is just mind blowing, I mean, stuff that is taken me years to even like, acknowledge, really, and that's a thing that, you know, things are going to come up in a relationship that just aren't going to come up any other way. Because your partner is a mirror, and they're showing you versions of yourself that like we love and we're not as crazy about. And that's where the opportunity comes in, as we can really see, how can I grow through this? What is this trying to tell me? How is it showing me a part of myself that might be holding me back, because when you're when your value system revolves around love, because you know, like, our value system revolves around love, love is important to us. And that might not be for everyone. But that's just how we live is through our hearts. So love and growth, you are always wanting to excavate those things that are holding you back from living the life that you really want. So like, we're very clear about our values, and our dreams and our goals and the things that we want to achieve. And that has taken time and living and experiencing things that we love and don't love and getting more clear. And having being very connected to those values and coming together. You know, that's why we were able to a fall in love so quickly be take action on our life together so quickly and know on such a core level that like, this is my person, this is the person I want to do the work with, you know what I mean? Because we know ours knew ourselves so well about how we want to show up in a relationship and what we want our life to look like. So it was just like, oh, click, where have you been? I've been looking for you like for a while now. And so it's just like such a beautiful landscape for us to be able to grow together and know we're always supporting each other in different ways. And every chapter looks different. Like, you know, there's been different experiences of support being held for each of us through different chapters. And I feel like now we're moving into another newer chapter that's bringing up a lot of different things that we're navigating but it's so exciting because your relationship is never boring. You know, you're always working through another thing but it also brings you so close together. And the intimacy that comes as a result of like diving into these things and feeling more heard and feeling more understood and learning more about yourself learning more about your partner. I mean, it just makes everything better. So good. Yeah, I just feel so inspired being around you.
We both bring out the best in each other and like, light each other up. And we get into these conversations like, oh, but what about this? Oh. So they have this podcast together to bring that out and each other. So we both like, I love Blake's mind so much. Like as gorgeous. She is like, I love her mind so much, too.
Blake Freedom 35:38
I feel the exact same way. Yeah, it's like every time I'm listening to him talk about really anything. But Luke is so grounded, and so spiritual, and such a wonderful, critical thinker. The way that he approaches life, and his model of the world is just so intelligent, and so mindful, and so loving, and so open. I'm always learning something from him. And it's really great to because he creates a safe space for me to really look at my own views of the world and question my own views and my own beliefs in the way that I see things. But he does it in such a way that's so loving, that I never feel judged. I don't feel like, Well, you're wrong, you know, it's like, oh, wow, like, let's really, like, dive into this topic. And, you know, this morning, we're talking about, like, politics and political parties over coffee, and like having the best time. I mean, it was just like, so exciting. So this is gonna be really fun space and a fun vehicle for us to share more and really help you see kind of what it looks like. So it's a growth opportunity, we bring out the challenges and each other, and we bring out the best in each other. And that's what makes it so exciting.
And it's nice to free ourselves from the mindset that it should be like, Oh, real love doesn't have problems. Real Love doesn't have challenges like, nope, let's just cross that out. And like, give ourselves permission to like, have challenges because we're different people with different experiences. And there's a process to being on the same page with things like it's so freeing to let go of that should
Blake Freedom 37:14
don't shut on yourself, as they say, right. So I have a sticky note, I will not shut on myself, like great alternatives to using the word shed just a tip is I wish I could so I can say instead of saying like, I should have done this, you can say well, I wish I had done this, or will I could have done this. So it's just you know, you're saying the same thing, which is without that judgment. And it's just once you I've really worked really hard through my journey to stop shitting on myself, and it's really helped with not being so self critical. So, yeah, which kind of moves into our third point that we wanted to share, which, you know, is this idea that, well, there's kind of a couple parts to it. But one is that, you know, the fairy tale isn't real, that love does not make up a relationship. You know, love isn't, isn't quite enough, if you want to say it in that way, like a relationship is about so much more. I really truly believe that values like having a similar, if not the same, but similar, because like we're different, you know, the same value system is absolutely crucial. I've never seen a couple a successful couple with different value systems work for very long, I think it's really important that you know who you are, what you want, how you want to show up in your relationship. So that way, when you meet the person, it's very clear, and you're not spending all this time getting to know someone, and then finding out like, Okay, wait, we don't have the same values. And I just invested all this time. So something that I would love to invite you to think about, maybe sit down with your journal and ask if you are in a relationship and you're listening, because you want to learn how to have better communication to reduce tension to really see what it's like to be in a growth relationship is to ask yourself the question, is this the relationship that I really want to be in, in my heart of hearts, and we're not here to tell you, you know, what you should be in or shouldn't be. And obviously, we advocate for healthy relationships based on love and respect, if you're not being respected, if your partner's not being kind, if there's any, you know, abuse or things of that nature, which you know, we won't go into, but that would be time to seek support from a therapist really get clear about if it's a safe or healthy relationship for you. Because that's, that's absolutely crucial. So everything that we speak about comes from the place of like you're in a healthy relationship with someone that you love and respect and loves and respects you and if you're not definitely seek help for that. But really asking yourself, you know, is this truly what I want in my heart? And not from like, place of, well, this is hard and so I don't know if I want to do this or well, this person doesn't have all the things that I want or I don't like this thing. So let me go date somebody else. It's more of if you really listen into your heart and your soul and like what calls to you within? Does this really feel in alignment? I think we all know, on some level like, this is an alignment, this isn't an alignment, and we either, you know, are honest with ourselves and live in alignment with that truth, or we aren't as honest with ourselves. I mean, I can speak from experience, there's been many relationships I've been in, where I'm like, you know, this just isn't right. And I just didn't want to admit that to myself. But I think it's really powerful to ask yourself, you know, is this truly in my heart what I want to be in, because then it frees you from really like any judgments that you have on yourself, your partner, the, you know, struggle to show up for them in a way, that's a very giving mindset. And it allows you to have the life that you're really looking for, I mean, everyone deserves to be happy, everyone deserves to have love. And when you're able to ask yourself that question and know truly within your heart, it's so freeing because it's removes an element of fear. And you're able to walk forward either in the relationship that you're in, because you, you feel like you know what I really want to commit to making this better, because this is what I want, this is who I love, or giving yourself permission to think about other options, and what it might look like, if you were in a partnership that just felt more in alignment, you can love someone and it can still not be a match. Like that is that happens all the time. And that's okay. And, you know, this is an opportunity for you to just be a little introspective. And you know, from a place of kindness and love with yourself, because we're on a journey and no judgment here, we are here to support you and hold space wherever you're at. And it's just something that I think is a really great tool to just get more clear about yourself and what you're looking for in your heart.
So well, South Bay, and I think about my own journey. And like what leaving in departing from my last relationship, what I wanted in the relationship that we have now, it's so much easier to find that in you than to try to create that in someone else. Like the values, you're talking about the values, right? Like, there's so much about you, that I have always wanted before. And it's just hard to create that in someone else. So if you can start with someone who's on the same trajectory as you, it's so much less work. Like, there will still be a lot of work, don't get me wrong, like we have our own a lot of work. But we're so on the same path together toward the same goal with the same kinds of commitments to how we want to be and how we want to show up to each other. So it's, I think it's just such a great thing to what's the word just to recognize that? Sure. There's a lot of what makes a relationship great from what you do and how you show up and how you listen and the perspectives you take. And there's so much just from like finding the right compatibility, the right match. And again, just to reiterate not like the match where there was no problems we're trying to like, yeah, not that doesn't enforce that idea. But like the kind of match that you can work together in a way that's effective and growth oriented and alignment and
Blake Freedom 43:33
goals and values and in alignment. Because you're in alignment with your truest self, you know, whether that's from a spiritual place, or a mental place or whatever, like just knowing who you are, what is it you want, how you want your life to look, when you meet someone who and you're experiencing life, as someone who wants the same things. It's like, everything you do, every challenge you go through is leading you to that point. So your journey is about, you know, achieving those goals, and then achieving the next goals and the next goals. But it's really like two paths that are walking next to each other. And like you're just holding hands, you're not having to pull each other one direction or another. It just, it just fits and honestly like it's a huge relief, like I've been dating for, what, 21 years or something like that. And I mean, goodness, I'm so grateful that I finally found you and thank you Brendan, for your event and like creating that space for me. But it just it's so different than anything I've ever experienced. And I know in my gut like, this is it and you know, you'll hear more about this in one of our next episodes, but like, I really thought I was gonna end up with a woman. So the fact that I'm saying like, he's the one like that was not the plan and it was not what I thought was the what I wanted. I mean that I mean, there's a lot around that and you'll hear more about it later, but it's just I just know and I feel so confident in it. And it's so he's so in alignment with everything that I've been looking for. And it just no more honest I was with myself, the more free I was to have the experience, it just is so fulfilling in a way that I've never had with a partner before. So,
so good. And like, the dreams that I've always had for what I would experience, what I create what I become, are so much more real by being with Blake than on my own or with anyone else. 100% Something I'm just like dying to throw in on this last point, because it was like, it's hard for us to keep this story because there's just so much to say. But in terms of like, one question that you or anyone might have in a relationship, you mean the listener here? Are you listening? It because we're Blake and I are talking to each other? You're like, wait, what you were talking
Blake Freedom 45:55
about, like, dollars
is like, I guess there's there's two main patterns, behavior patterns that people find themselves in, with departing relationships that may not be the right fit. One is to just leave way too quickly, right, which is like, this is uncomfortable. Yeah. And then like rationalize that into it's not the right fit. It's not the right thing. It's like, it actually might be a thing with you like with me, like I've had that experience, professionally and personally in relationship that like, my problems followed me like, I ran into the same problems and the next job or the next relationship next country or the next country, because it wasn't with what was outside it was what was inside. And like when we just relationship hop, we're avoiding what those real problems are. And we're going to be supporting you in this podcast to do your inner work. So you're not having the same relationship over and over again. It's like that's one tendency is just to jump too quickly. Another one is to stay too long. Yeah. And it's a different mindset, a different values, a different security need. Like there's a whole mix of that. But it's an interesting question to ask yourself is like, which one would I tend to put myself in? Yeah, totally. Like earlier in my life, I tend to be the type of person that would just jump, there's uncomfortable, I'm going to jump. And then I had some new realizations about, like, the fact that I was carrying my problems from one situation to the next. And then I kind of went to the other extreme of like, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say, because like, I have more room to grow. Like, I feel like I'm starting to get more of a good middle ground was an interesting question. Just ask yourself, it's like, we're in that spectrum. Do I think I am. And we'll be giving more content on these things later.
Blake Freedom 47:41
Yeah. And I've had my own experience without to being like a serial dater, or it's like, oh, okay, next, next, next, and then being in, you know, to be frank, abusive relationships. And I stayed way too long, because of some of the things that I was needing, and getting even though I wasn't being treated well. So really great episodes that we will be creating in the future,
maybe like 10, or 20 episodes, just from the topics we've introduced here. We've been dying to create this podcast for months. Yeah. And there's like one reason or another. We're getting into it. Now. The time is, right. So the enthusiasm is just like pouring out for ya.
Blake Freedom 48:19
Exactly. So speaking of what's coming, and what's next, and what you can expect, we have an amazing free gift for you that is going to really give you a roadmap on how to work through tension in your relationship. And whether you're in a relationship or you're sticking out conscious relationship, it's going to give you some really great insights and like clarity, and like a visual format that's going to be really supportive. So we'd love for you to download your FREE grit is free gift, subscribe to our podcast, we will be emailing out every single time a new episode is out. So definitely subscribe on the platform you're listening, and then download your free gift so we can let you know every time a new episode is coming out. And we can tell you about this amazing community that we're putting together. Because, you know, Luke and I are like, super open, right? And like, there's things that we're really excited to talk about that we want to do behind a wall, so to speak. And this community that we're putting together is gonna have some really great episodes and juicy topics on more taboo subjects and things that real thing might embarrass our parents. So it's gonna be a great space where people like you can actually come together and listen and connect with each other. And, you know, we'll be doing q&a And some coaching and things that you'll have access to us in a different way. So to get more information on that, subscribe to our list, grab that free gift, we'll give you more information on how to join the community. And we're just so excited that you're listening. So in the next episode, you'll get our story, our detailed story. In fact, it's the next three episodes and it's so frickin good if you need Inspiration on, like, finding or being in the right relationship that has like a cosmic element to it. You're gonna love our story.
Blake Freedom 50:13
So thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you here. You will hear us. Next episode. See you later. Hey, it's Blake, Luke and I put together something really special just for you. We've had to learn how to navigate those difficult conversations, the tension that comes up when one of us gets triggered. And we realized that there's a step by step process that we use to move through tension to be able to communicate, to feel seen and heard, even when it's really difficult. So we want to offer this gift to you for free. It's a visual chart so you can follow it step by step. It makes it really easy for you and your partner to use together. So just click the link in the show notes below to get instant access to your free gift
or you can visit www.BlakeAndLuke.com/flowchart
We'll see you over there!